32 Months and TRUSTING!!!

Today, May 17, 2013 marks exactly 32 MONTHS on the AGCI waitlist for our baby girl in Ethiopia!

Well, I am going to try to share what God has been doing in my heart during this 32nd month waiting on our sweet daughter.  I hope I can convey it in the right way, so that ya'll can understand.

About 3 weeks ago, I came to a "breaking point" emotionally.  I simply realized that I could not go on like this anymore.  I recognized that we may very well have several more months of waiting ahead of us, and I would have to "take a step back emotionally" in the wait from this point on.

This does not at all mean that I don't still love our Caroline and want her home soon.  Believe me, I want it.  I want her.  Big time.  This does not at all mean that I don't believe that God could do the impossible and our phone could ring today.  I believe that He can do anything.  This does not at all mean that I am not praying for our daughter.  I am praying constantly.  I even have 2 alarms set on my phone that go off every single day at 8:38 am and 8:38 pm to pray for our Caroline and Ethiopia (because of Ethiopia's latitude and longitude at 8 and 38, we have a group of fellow waiting mamas all praying at these times daily).

This "taking a step back emotionally" just means that I am going to try my best each and every day to live fully engaged in the waiting journey...even ENJOY the journey (dare I say that?). :)  God has us waiting for a reason.  As long as we are waiting, there is purpose in it.  I believe in God's sovereignty over all things...and this includes our journey to Caroline Faith.  Every single minute of every single day of every single month of every single year we have waited since the spring of 2010 has been under His control and according to His divine plan.

This "taking a step back emotionally" means that I will not live anymore with my cell phone glued to my side. I will not freak out (hopefully!) every time it rings.  I will not plan my day around getting "the call" or say no to doing things, "just in case we get the call".  I am going to try to not cry every day.  Notice I said try! Let's not push it here, ya'll. ;)  I will not sit around feeling sorry for myself about how long we have waited.  The pity parties are over.

This "taking a step back emotionally" means that I am going to try my best (with God's help!) to live fully engaged and fully joyful with the three of our four children who are home with us now.  They need me.  I am going to live fully engaged in life with my amazing husband.  He needs me.  God has been so gracious to grow our marriage even more in the wait.  I am going to live fully engaged and fully in love with my Savior.  I want to honor and glorify Him alone in the wait.  I want to live life to the fullest everyday for Him, and do what He is calling me to do.

In Him is life, and He is enough.

The Lord continues to show us His love and His grace.  And I know that He has not forgotten us.  Just this week at just the right time (more details to come later), Jody and I got this text from a friend...

"Hey guys.  I feel like God just told me to send ya'll a text saying that the wait for Caroline Faith will be worth it.  Not sure where things stand but I feel like He wanted me to pass that along to you."

Tears are flowing now, ya'll.  I told ya'll I would "try" not to cry, remember? :)

I can't wait to share more details on the timeliness of that text because it is unbelievable.  Only God!  ONLY GOD!  He is so good, and He does not forget His children!  He is faithful.  Always faithful.

My tears are because of His goodness and graciousness to us on this adoption journey.

"Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;

Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.

⁷ 

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble.

You surround me with songs of deliverance." 

Psalm 32:6-7

Retirement Party/Baby Shower!

Last Wednesday, my precious friends at the preschool where I work gave me a "Retirement Party/Baby Shower"!  After 7 years at this sweet preschool, I feel that God is calling me back home during this season as our family grows and changes.  I have such mixed emotions!  I am so at peace and even excited about going back home, but I will truly miss the kids, staff and families at our preschool.  I spent my Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings with them for a long time, and it has been a really special season in my life!

Well, needless to say, I got tears in my eyes, when I walked in the room and saw all these special shower details...

 the Ethiopian flag!

 cute African animals and fabrics everywhere!

cupcakes!  

(Jody surprised me and showed up at the shower!) 

the precious cupcake toppers!

Then they gave me some adorable baby gifts and a SUPER GENEROUS gift card to buy baby things for Caroline Faith.  WOW!!!  I cried again at their loving generosity!  So many of these friends have faithfully walked with us over the last 3 years of our adoption journey.  They have been a constant source of support and encouragement to our family!

My heart is so full, and I am so blessed by them!  God used them in a major way to encourage my waiting heart!  So thankful!!!

Spring 2013 Catch Up!

I am so behind on all our family pictures from this spring that I'm just going to have to do a quick re-cap to catch up! :)

So far this spring, our life has looked a little like this...

Bombers tournament baseball!

spring soccer with the pink panthers!

last cheer all star cheer competition in Orange Beach!

indoor pool time on a rainy day at the beach!

Rangers baseball!

swimming in the cold pool!

garden day at school!

playing first base!

zoo field trip!

having fun at the cheer competition!

shooting cap guns on the back porch!

all star try-outs!  sisters cheering together this season!

roly poly bug project! 

 blue bird sightings that remind us God is with Caroline Faith!

lots of praying to move closer to our baby girl in Ethiopia!

"You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
 
This I know, that God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,
In the Lord, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid."

Psalm 56:8-11

The Video Announcement: 3 Years Later!

Three years ago today, around 7:00 am on the morning of Friday, May 7, 2010, we posted this video to share our "big news" with friends and family!

Three years later, it still brings a smile to my face.  And oh my goodness, can't believe how LITTLE BITTY the kids were when we made this video!  We have all done a lot of growing up over the last 3 years, that's for sure! :)

When we filmed this video, I had no idea how long the road ahead would be.  Thank you again for loving and supporting and praying for our family over the past 3 years!  It means so much!

3 Years.

THREE YEARS ago today, on May 6, 2010, our application to adopt from Ethiopia was APPROVED by our adoption agency, All God's Children International!!!

I will never forget the joy and excitement that I felt on that day!  We were so excited to finally tell our friends our BIG NEWS!!!  We had told our family when we mailed our application to AGCI, and now that we were approved it was time to share the news with the rest of our world!  Our video announcement was made, and we couldn't wait to post it on the blog the very next morning.

I don't know how to describe my emotions on this same day 3 years later.  The joy and excitement are still there, as we are nearing the finish of a very long wait to be matched with our daughter.  But there are other emotions to be sure...longing, desire, sadness, peace, hope, wonder.  Such a random mixture, I know.  Yes, you could probably call me an "emotional basket case" right now.  :)

 I am just so ready.  I feel more than ready.  I think our family is ready.  The kids are ready.  The room is ready.  The baby girl clothes hanging in the closet are ready.  My heart is ready.

Ready, ready, ready...but we still wait.

So, I just have to believe that even though WE feel like we are ready, God knows better.  Maybe our daughter still isn't ready for us.  Maybe He still has some things He needs to cultivate in us.  Our pastor's sermon this past Sunday was all about perseverance.  I had tears in my eyes the whole time.  We are learning how to persevere.

3 YEARS...and counting.  We may never know the purpose of the long wait this side of heaven, and that's okay.  I am going to have to just leave the years in the hands of my Father and trust Him.  He knows way better than I do.  And I truly believe we'll see our daughter's face when He's ready.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,  who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,  so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;  and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,  obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."

1 Peter 1: 3-9

New April 2013 Number!!!

Well, it's really the first day of May, but we are just now getting our April 2013 number!  I got an email this afternoon from B, one of the AGCI caseworkers, that we are still "holding strong" on the girl list at...

#2!!

No surprises there, as we have not heard of any baby girl referrals going out in the past couple of months.  I am ready to "let go" of #2 and just stare at our baby girl's picture all day long! :)

We are really, really, really hopeful that MAY is our month!!!  PRAYING that this is the last official number that we will ever post on this blog!  This Friday, May 3rd will mark 3 YEARS exactly since we mailed our application to AGCI.  Of course, we would love to celebrate that day with a referral call! :)

I know that so many of ya'll sweet friends have followed our journey faithfully over the past 3 years, and I am just so thankful.  Thank you for praying for us and our daughter.  It's so encouraging and humbling to know that ya'll are so faithful in prayer for our family!  Thank you for sticking it out these past 3 years.  Sometimes I wonder if people are getting tired of hearing about our adoption journey, but I think that most people are just still out there cheering us on to the finish.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

We really do feel like our adoption journey has turned into more of a "waiting on the Lord" journey.  Over the past 3 years, we have learned and grown through the struggles of being in a waiting season.

We know what it's like to cry your eyes out because you are aching for your journey to be complete.  We know what it's like to rejoice in all the many miracles that God does during the wait.  We know what it's like to be encouraged and prayed for during the wait.  We know what it's like to grow spiritually (and physically!) as years pass during a waiting season.  We know what it's like to fast and pray and beg God to move on your behalf.  We know what it's like to hear Him continue to whisper to you to trust Him.

I know that many of ya'll are waiting on the Lord too...even though it may be for something completely different.  Hang in there.  Hold on to HOPE.  Keep trusting Him.  Cry out to Him.   Depend on Him each and every day.  Spend time in His Word.  Meditate on His promises.

God will not delay.  He is always faithful.  JOY comes in the morning!!!

Beautiful baby girl,

I don't know for sure where you are right now, but I hope that right this very second you are being loved on and cared for.  I hope you feel very loved, Caroline Faith.  Because you are.

You are loved by your family and by your Father.  We are longing for the day when He releases you to be with us forever.  We can't wait for the day when He places you in our family.  

Hoping and praying that right this very second He is making a way for you to come home.  No matter what obstacles stand in the way, we know that He is greater.  He is higher.  We rejoice already in what He will do on your behalf!

Hold on, baby girl.  We love you and we're coming soon.

"How blessed are all who take refuge in Him!"

Psalm 2:12

Waitin' on a Miracle.

 A friend (and fellow adoption waiting mama) shared this Matthew West song with me today.  I had never heard it, and I feel like this pretty much sums up where we are now...waitin' on a miracle.

"Waitin' On A Miracle"

I’m down to my last drop of faith 
My last ounce of strength 
My knees are worn 
From waitin’ on a miracle 
I’ve prayed, God, I’ve prayed 
I’ve stormed the gates in Jesus’ name 
Crying out night and day 
Just waitin’ on a miracle 
But I don’t know how much longer 
I can hold out hope tonight 
And I wish my will was stronger 
But instead I’m just a weary heart 
Waitin’ on a miracle 
I’ve heard Your hand can calm a raging sea 
But can You calm the storm in me 
‘Cause that’s how it feels 
When you’re waitin’ on a miracle 
And my soul longs for the day 
When I see the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed 
And it’ll all be worth the wait 
Waitin’ on a miracle

This is what Matthew West says about the song,

This is a song for those who wait. Waiting for your miracle to happen, for your prayer to be answered, for your light at the end of the tunnel.  This is a song for anyone who can relate to James and his family, on two different side of the world, longing, hoping, waiting for a miracle.  God is a God of miracles.  He renews, he restores, and he promises to hear us when we call out to him.  So, don’t stop praying.  Don’t lose heart.  Don’t doubt.  In one way or another, your heavenly father will work a miracle in your life.  He will answer your prayer.  And in the meantime, he will give you the strength to take each next step, knowing each next step is one step closer to the miracle you long to see.